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7 tips to help introverts survive a party
Introverts are often so misunderstood, they're not people hating individuals, but quite the opposite.
In the words of Greta Garbo "I never said, 'I want to be alone.' I only said, 'I want to be left alone.' There is all the difference."
Us introverts do like a good shindig as much as the next guy depending on whether the next guy likes to stand awkwardly alone in a dim lit corner of the room. Put it this way, extroverts gain their energy from social situations whilst introverts have their energy sucked from these same social situations, kinda like kryptonite for an awkwardly anxious superman.
But never fear I am here to give all you introverts top tips to keep you out the shadows.
Bring a friend
Come with a friend who understands your quirks, let them do all the talking and introductions. Scared of small talk, no worries your ally can conjure up a conversation, all you have to do is sit back and relax, and if you feel like adding your 2 pence then go for it, it's not like you have to carry on the convo just a simple head nod and wink will do the trick.
Have a break have a KitKat
Having a party? But your guests stressing you out, don't fret schedule breaks. Excuse yourself head upstairs and find a quiet place to regain energy if you don't feel like going back down to the chaos, then fake a blackout assuming that the place you fall flat on your face is a comfortable bed or sofa. You can always make a come back from the dead and be praised as a real party trooper.
Find a furry friend
Tired of hearing obnoxious intoxicated slurs from the opposite sex? No worries, just Houdini your way out of the convo and find the closest thing to a companion. Dog, cat, fish tin of beans anything that can keep you occupied but still makes you look sane. The perks of pets are that they have no opinions on political issues or if you've watched the latest Netflix fix. You have the upper hand in all conversions when it comes to your good old feline friends.
Act interested
The only time it's socially acceptable to stand in silence is when listening to others, so when your fellow human keeps blabbing on about there third hernia op, then it's a good time to start asking a lot of questions. Occasional laughter and head nods are also good ways to throw them off the scent of uninterested wondering eyes (and if caught Glaucoma is always a good excuse for the eye rolling). Find yourself asking the same old questions? Jazz it up. A few prolonged nooo’s and yeahhh’s are good ways to keep a conversation flowing.
Avoid inconvenient hiding places
I know it may be tempting to hide in the main bathroom and immerse yourself in Andrex toilet paper, but please don't. Take it from someone with experience there's nothing worse than angry banging and a queue of disgruntled partygoers when you come out. If space is what you need then scout out a secret garden area or uncopied room.
Be Helpful To The Host and clean up!
A great way of getting out of talking to people is if you seem busy, just whack on a pair of yellow washing up gloves and get to scrubbing. People will appreciate the cleaning and you might just gain a few fans near the end of the night (everyone loves a motherly figure at a party). Just be aware that this may lead to a few more party invites in the post, but that's what shredders are for right?
Always Have An Exit Plan
An exit plan is an introvert's kindest gift to themselves. Now, this doesn't have to be an intricate Kim possible escape. Chances are people won't even notice you're gone but, if transparency isn't your forte then here are some excuses that can be put forward as a means of escape.
Family emergency - excuses are never ones to be questioned so pick up your phone and adjust your ringer to vibrate, wallah! an excuse within an excuse, you can go as crazy as you want. Sister in labour? Why not, Family exorcism? Sure thing, whatever tickles your pickle just make sure there are no incoming calls whilst this whole drama is playing out.
Fake a health issue - you may be allergic to dust, exaggerate that to an asthma attack, why not make it a nut allergy or maybe your priapism (persistent erection for those who don't know) is playing up again, whatever gets you out the door the quickest.
Get your friend blind drunk - and blame all life's problems on them, including the reason for your early departure. Try mixing their spirits beforehand, go crazy it's not like they need that extra kidney right? And it's a perfect way to make you look responsible and caring simultaneously.
So next time you find yourself at party follow these simple steps, you never know you might just end up having fun.
