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Is it time to kick the daily weed?
I failed two driving tests back in 2022 and I finally passed in December 2023. I'm a stoner through and through and the harder the skunk, the heavier and denser it is the better. Bring it on I would say (and still do)!
When I started my lessons I decided to remain smoking my usual four to five spliffs an evening as I wanted to learn to drive exactly how I lived. Two days before my first test however I decided to not smoke to try and give my self the best chance to pass, with a clear mind. I had a lesson and honestly within 10 minutes my driving instructor said to me... "Who the hell is this driving, your perspective and handling of the car has totally changed". I replied, "Well I haven't smoked in two days king in preparation for the test."
It was in that single moment I realised how much smoking effected everything, I had spent six months practicing and thinking I was doing okay, only to realise that taking simply two days off smoking had radically improved my driving. I felt mixed emotions all in that moment but mostly I was frustrated that I had spent all of that money in my driving lessons and didn't even realise I was not giving my self the best chance to learn. When I failed that first test I knew the next test I would take an extended period of not smoking to really learn with a better perspective and to give my self the best chance!
Unfortunately I failed that second test also due to being in conditions I really hadn't been prepared for. It was a 7.30am test, pitch black in December and was the first day in the UK it started snowing, if it wasn't for these reasons I'm sure I would have passed. When I came home I rolled a small spliff with only an amount of weed the size of a garden pea. I'm used to smoking what I call baseball bat spliffs so I didn't expect to be blasted to the moon like I was that evening. Honestly only a 15 day tolerance break and this small "roll up" sized spliff left me crawling on the floor and speaking 100 miles an hour to my friends via voicenotes and channelling all this high energy, I realised that evening the power and magic of this sacred herb. In 10 years I had never taken such a long tolerance break and it was one of the most glorious moment of my adult life, I was watching TV thinking I was literally with the characters living through the experiences with them. I will never forget that moment. Of course though, being the stoner I am, I instantly started smoking the next day and the next day and so on and not one spliff hit me the same way the first one did. I guess you could say I was chasing the dragon from that point!
Chasing this dragon didn't stop for an entire year until I had booked my self some lessons in November in 2023 for my last chance to pass my driving test before my theory ran out and I had to start the whole process again from scratch.
I had the memory of my driving instructor being so impressed by my improved driving back in 2022 after only two days of a tolerance break that I promised my self that however hard it will be, I will stop smoking from December 1st 2023 until my test. This would be the longest I would give up smoking in now 11 years. But I was determined. My test ended up being on the 19th December and I passed it with flying colours. The deepest sense of achievement bubbled up inside of me and I was so proud of having the discipline to put my life and my driving first above the need to smoke daily.
I love smoking weed, I mean I absolutely love it. It's been my main girlfriend since a teenager. During the month of December 2023 I was mentioning to a few friends I was having a big tolerance break towards my test and my brother also decided to join me and stop smoking, my brother like me would easily smoke half an ounce a week. Many friends seemed to be going through a shift and were coming to the realisation that they needed a new relationship with this beautiful plant, this really helped me to be motivated.
I did try to pick up weed the day of passing my test but every single person I knew who could provide it was unable to sell me anything, I was a little annoyed but since it had now been 19 days I guess I was content with just having a hot cup of cacao, going to a restaurant alone to have a steak meal to celebrate my achievement of passing and then going to sleep.
The first time I smoked after this was when I was back in my home town and I had some good quality Californian weed to break my sobriety which was on the 23rd December. I sat down and smoked a fat spliff while watching "leave the world behind" on Netflix. After only 2 pulls of my spliff and waiting 10 minutes to feel the effect before smoking more I realised I was higher then I had been in years from only 2 pulls. It was absolutely delicious and insane. By the end of the film and spliff I felt like I was on mushrooms, DMT and changa. I honestly felt I was communicating in my heart with my ancestors and spirts In the room. I stood up and literally almost fell into the Christmas tree in-front of me. I laid in bed that night with my heart pumping deeply, having the most profound thoughts about my life and the future. Again I realised the power of this amazing herb and it really made me question my use of it and how I honour it and how I show up for it.
So now we come to the title of this article, Is it time to kick the daily weed?
For me, right now in my life, the answer is a resounding yes, even though I love my evening spliffs as it helps me ground and smile and disconnect, there is little voice in my conscience, which if I admit to my self, I've been ignoring for years now which says, 'Indigo... It's time to not abuse this plant and to really get to know your self without it for a while.'
I have never really had much money in my life and even today as I type this from my caravan I only have food to eat because of the kindness of others who are protecting me, I'm going through great change but that's for another article... but when I would earn £50 I would casually send £40 on a quarter of weed and survive the rest of the week on only £10 trusting that somehow I will make it through, which I always did, but never thriving only surviving.
The world is going through the greatest change in human history and many difficult days are ahead of us as the planet allows the darkness to now be seen and surface, like dirt at the bottom of a cup rising because fresh water is being poured into it and I know my soul incarnated to participate in this change from global slavery to sovereignty.
I received guidance from an astrologer friend about external substances and she shared this with me.
"Indigo, the world is changing and you're needed more than ever. Time to be strong, allow any internal pain out, face it! Align with your souls expression and trajectory, so don't numb and suppress anything right now and you will immediately shift timelines and move into a higher area of your heart"
So I've done exactly that, I started the new "fake Gregorian" year deciding that I won't smoke for one month from the 6th January to the 7th February which will be the 8th year I've been a Buddhist ( my Buddha birthday ) this will be the first time sine my teenage years that I have taken an entire month off. I hear the voice within saying, get to know yourself sober without the crutch of the five spliffs you smoke every evening.
I'm writing this on the 15th January so I'm about half way through this determination of mine.
How do I feel?
Wow, well first of all my dreams have been epic, like lucid and unbelievable revealing. I smoked from 17 when my mum moved to another country and I lived alone and I never really saw it as an escape or a crutch but now I've taken this time off I realise how much pain has surfaced now I'm not numb, how many insecurities have risen and played out in the most dynamic ways in my dreams. I'm allowing the cold sweats to come, and they are coming hard! I've never jogged more then I have now, daily I'm doing between 9-13km with such a fresh feeling within. I can't say I don't miss it, I do, but I also recognise its a lot easier then I assumed it would be, but I've also had two tolerance breaks in the past 2 years which has helped me see the benefits of taking some time off.
Will I smoke again after the 7th February? God dam I will! There is no question for me personally and I feel marijuana (or 'Santa Maria' as I like to call her by her sacred name) is part of my soul. My mother even told me recently that her and my father was high in the clouds the evening I was conceived but there has been a massive shift in me because of the experience of smoking the first spliffs after the tolerance breaks. This could change one day in the future and maybe I will never want it again but I can only be honest with where I'm currently at.
I joined nicotine anonymous just for some support during my sobriety, it's just via zoom and I only attended twice but there was a saying that stuck with me, "you're only one cigarette away from a whole packet" and it stuck deep.
That second, third and fourth spliff after you break your sobriety will never feel sacred and magic like the first after a tolerance break. That tolerance break could literally be just one full day but I now know for me personally the daily smoking is no longer a respectful way to honour this amazing plant.
I'm not sure what structure I am going to implement in February, whether it will be weekends only, or every other day, or once a week, or month! But I know the daily smoking no longer resonates with my soul's trajectory even if it resonated with my ego's, it definitely doesn't with my soul.
And I will honour purchasing food and train tickets and having my dignity restored by looking after my self, over purchasing weed and hoping on a prayer to survive the week, often from the help of others.
I share this story with you today to inspire even just one person who also has the small voice inside asking them to 'be better' for themselves. I absolutely want to stress that people who smoke daily are not bad because I'm saying 'be better', I'm simply sharing what my own life is telling me and me alone.
Happy Smoking or happy detoxing, my main message here is to have the strength and dignity to listen to and act upon the small voice inside us that is always guiding us, whatever that guidance is.
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.
:Aaron-L:Indigo©bene.
