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50 Cent will take you to the Candy Shop - but look with your eyes , not with your hands
RnB/Hip Hop | Friday 28th September 2012 | Osh
The winters are lonely and cold. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how many episodes of Embarrassing Bodies or Dating in the Dark you watch, it can be a struggle to not feel pathetically lonely. But don’t worry, the internet stands by as your friend, teacher and - lover?
It is the worst kept secret that sometimes in life we need a little release. As far back as the cave men sneaking off to visit the watering hole, the Victorian ladies taking tea alone in their rooms or Cleopatra having a strange hobby for capturing bees in cylindrical objects for massage purposes, we all need some ‘me’ time - or perhaps not. The notorious visitor to the Candy Shop 50 Cent has been giving his followers on twitter advice on how to resist this sinful temptation, and I don’t mean the singing dancing kind.
Thrifty 50 gave four steps of advice on how to restrain oneself from exercising your wrists in a manner other than table tennis.
Step 1: To avoid the urge to masturbate stop going to porn sites.
Step 2: Make a conscious decision not to turn your head after people walk by you.
Step :. Do not go to strip clubs
Step 4: Do not look at lust filled magazines
This comes from the man who brought us the lyrics “When she ready to ride, I'm ready to roll, I'll be in this bitch till the club close. What should I do? One thing on all fours? Now that that shit should be against the law.” I find it shocking that he advices his followers not to use strip clubs to find these delightful young ladies, or perhaps it’s acceptable to take her home but not your own lust for life, shall we say.
Perhaps 50 will start sex education classes across the world; perhaps he'll even have his own channel four show. Of course for 50 Cent I imagine it’s quite easy to pick up a pretty lady to meet his needs, unlike the check-out boy at Asda. However, to quote 50’s friend Justin Timberlake, “I’m tired of using technology, why don’t you just sit down on top of me?”
I’m off to take elevenses in my boudoir, thank Chrome for incognito.
By Becky Tanner-Rolf
