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Bieber vomits on stage
Monday 1st October 2012 | Liam
Bieber's music so sickly it even makes him throw up!
There is no end of criticism for the undeniably talented corporate puppet that is Justin Bieber, but it seems now even he is sick of his own music. Midway through his show in Glendale, Arizona, Biebs came out to cheers from the adolescent crowd, arms out like some sort of modern-day prophet, oozing sickly overconfidence, only to turn round and violently spew a white fountain of vomit straight onto the stage.
True to form though, with the red laser of a marksman’s sniper trained on him and each of his backing dancers, the eighteen year old bravely attempted to continue. Only to throw up again and flee the stage before things got markedly worse.
Bieber later took to Twitter to blame ‘milk’ as the culprit, claiming, in the words of Ron Burgundy, that it "was a bad choice". He did reappear on stage to carry on the show, as his management team said, “The show must go on or this cute little puppy gets incinerated.” His fans, the scarily-named ‘Beliebers’, were very forgiving, as they have been programmed to be through listening to his subliminal music on repeat, and many were seen scrambling on stage to pocket a sample of celebrity stomach-lining, which could fetch thousands on eBay. (Of course true fans wouldn’t dream of selling the sick as they would more likely attempt to create a Bieber-clone out of it.)
Ingenius marketing specialists behind the shroud of teen innocence are already considering a slide into the under-exploited genre of vomit-inducing music. They say they have finally found that niche between ‘manufactured pop and teenage bulimia’ which Bieber fans slot into perfectly.
Talks inside the music industry are also being held to discuss the potential of ‘brown noise’, a bass-heavy genre primarily intended for bowel-loosening war fare. Music moguls from X Factor to the organisers of Creamfields see it as ‘just a darker version of Drum & Bass’ and are queuing up to procure the next brown noise artist purely to ascribe them the tagline: ‘So good they’ll make you s**t your pants!’
By Liam McKenna
