NEWS
EVENTS
A Chinese man almost dies after trying to mail himself to his girlfriend.
Other | Monday 3rd September 2012 | Osh
Man and woman since the beginning of history have done stupid things for love, from Paris stealing Helena from Menelao’s castle, to Katie Holmes converting to Scienciology, the number of examples are uncountable. The latest example was performed by a Chinese man who tried to send himself through the post to his girlfriend’s office just to surprise her. The delivery was supposed to last half an hour but it was delayed, by three hours, so when the package arrived the man was almost dead. Does he really have to almost die of asphyxia to prove his love? Does she really deserve that?
I think this kind of action could damage the relationship, ´cause how can she live with the thought that her boyfriend almost died just to surprise her? Now she can never start a fight, or blame him for leaving the toilet cover open, or be caught staring at another man’s ass because he almost lost his life to surprise her. Living with this pressure of someone owing you their life would be quite exhausting. But what did he expect? I can even see the delusional images in his head: He will be shaking of nerves inside the box, thinking about the cheesiest words to say at the precise moment, and then she will open the box and her eyes will bright like two suns and they would run to their place and make love the whole night. But the reality was that she found a man pale, sweating, almost dead… and it would be quite traumatic, it’s not the kind of image that turns you on…
And even worse, the next morning she will have to go to work and everyone will be talking about it, and secretly they will be making fun about how stupid an idea it was to do that and laughing at her back and asking how can she be dating such a prick. And then, as the voices come into her head, she will start thinking he is actually a prick, who does he think he is to consider himself a present? She already has him so what’s the point? And then she will remember that men send things like flowers when they feel guilty, so doing such a big gesture only has the explanation that he has done something really bad, such as an orgy including her sisters and best friends in their bed the day of their anniversary. So even if the box had arrived at the right time, the result could have been catastrophic. I think it’s time to bring back the Velvet Underground video in which a man sends himself to his girlfriend and while opening it with a knife she decapitates him. Not so far from reality…
By Laura Vila
