NEWS
EVENTS
The future is nowt
Friday 19th October 2012 | James
We’ve all had great ideas. Mine was a self-reading book. Don’t ask how it works. I was drunk and I think it’s called an audio book now. So check out this list of technology that already exists. It’ll blow your simple 21st century mind.
Human Organ Printing
Scientists have developed a 3D bio-printer in the hope of solving kidney organ donation shortages. Here’s hoping they invent a way to print a new liver so I can continue to drink everyday and not feel guilty.
Cloaking device
Remember in Star Trek when the Romulans could hide a whole space ship from Patrick Stuart’s bald head? Well it’s a bit like that, except they’ve only been able to make a paperclip disappear. I bet Paul Daniels is quaking in his boots.
Hover Cars
These are designed for battlefield evacuations of wounded American (probably) soldiers, but are basically just a small hovercraft. What they should really do is a Back To The Future style hover board, like the one I made when I was nine by attaching a fan to the back of my skateboard. It didn’t work.
USB heated coffee cup
“The park, the library, at work, the coffee shop. Now you can have boiling hot liquid attached to your notebook at all times!”
Human Exoskeleton
Are scientists that unimaginative that they can only copy stuff from 80’s action films? This giant metal suit is similar to the one Ripley used in Aliens, but instead of fighting horrific acid blooded extra-terrestrial human harvesters , you’re picking up palettes in a warehouse on a Tokyo industrial estate.
All-in-one Toilet Bowl, Sink and Mirror
I can foresee so many accidents with this one. Gives a whole new meaning to “you look like shit.”
Nokia phone that runs on coke
No, not Cocaine, every city boy in London already uses that phone. No this one runs off Coca-Cola. Actually, the bio-battery runs off carbohydrates and apparently lasts four times as long as a standard battery. So not only will a global corporation’s pockets get fatter, so will you as you waddle to the corner shop at 4pm on Saturday night cause your phones about to go dead in the middle of your call to Chat2Date.
Talking measuring cup
Great. Now even my kitchen utensils can tell me how shit I am at cooking.
Virtual Nurse
This allows a patient at hospital entrance to receive medical advice from a virtual nurse in a touch screen booth, therefore eliminating the need for embarrassing face to face interactions. Instead, you can have a machine tell everyone in the waiting room: “I am sorry, you have Chlamydia”.
By JDF
