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Driver makes mincemeat of prize-winning cow
Wednesday 10th October 2012 | Liam
A 26-year-old woman in Madison, USA, is being questioned by police after she caused a car crash which led to the death of a beloved award-winning cow*
The cow, Buttercup iii, was travelling back from a Dairy Expo with eight colleagues when a woman, believed to be texting and eating a “foot-long meatball marinara sub” allegedly swerved into the trailer in the next lane, causing the trailer to career off the road and overturn in a ditch. Most of the cows scrambled to safety, helped by passing Expo-goers who had seen the crash, but Buttercup iii's skull was crushed on impact.
The 26-year-old driver of the other car reportedly remained in the driver’s seat texting and polishing off her sub before getting out to casually ask what all the commotion was about. “I thought it was in very bad taste,” said one eyewitness. “At least if it had been a tuna sub it wouldn’t have had that overtone of malice.”
Buttercup iii was pronounced dead at the scene. Her death has caused great upset amongst her friends and fans. She was a “very talented bovine," said a family friend, who went on to describe the loss as “a travesty for dairy farms, for Hollywood, for Planet Earth.”
Buttercup iii reportedly produced milk so pure it tasted like it was "sent from angels". Her big break came in the Laughing Cow adverts where she provided the vocals, dance moves and smile of the famous animated cow from the cream cheese brand.
Her biographer said Buttercup iii “loved to laugh. She really did. Especially when she was advertising cheese triangles. It was the shape more than the cheese produce to be honest.” In later years the advert won the award for ‘Most innovative use of a cow in a music video’ at the VMAs, which subsequently provided Buttercup iii's gateway to Hollywood.
Before Oscar-winning appearances in films such as Black Beauty, Seabiscuit, and War Horse (as leading Holloywood directors put it: "Horses don’t look like horses on screen, you’ve got to use cows"), Buttercup iii performed at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, winning the Foster’s Comedy Award for her critically acclaimed stand-up show Laughing Cow.
The show centred around musings on being a cow in the public eye along with astute observations of human quirks from a cow’s perspective (largely focused on the habits of dairy farmers). Critics called it “Beefed up comedy” and “masterful, meaty insights from a cow.”
The following year Buttercup iii took the show on a UK tour, and found time to write the Bafta-winning sitcom ‘Milking It’, about an eclectic group of dairy cows whose farm is going out of business. But before a second series was commissioned, the multi-talented cow was shipped to Hollywood. She recalled playing horses "from a distance" as “daunting, but you get used to it once you’re in character.”
The fate of the woman driver is yet to be decided. Most probably she will walk free following a fine and points on her driving licence. Buttercup iii’s owner was left with the tough decision of what to do with the body. “It was a toss up between incineration or McDonald’s. But I know Buttercup iii, she would have wanted to feed the starving fat kids. It was in her nature,” he reportedly said.
The treasured cow leaves behind two calves and a host of memories. The biography, Chewing the Cud: milking Hollywood for all it’s worth is expected for release in summer 2013.
By Liam McKenna
*Slightly embellished
