Open Letter to Portman Group by BrewDog

Monday 28th April 2014 | Bloddick

The Portman Group is the responsibility body for drinks producers in the UK. They recently addressed Dead Pony Club Beer, one of BrewDog brewery's most famous home-made product, for carrying a misleading packaging.

The label is said to be in potential breach of the body's Code due to catch-phrases such as "rip it up down empty streets" and "drink fast, live fast" considered to motivate an immoderate consumption and possible anti-social behavior. 

James Watt, co-founder of BrewDog commented as follows: 

“On behalf of BrewDog PLC and its 14,691 individual shareholders, I would like to issue a formal apology to the Portman Group for not giving a shit about today’s ruling. Indeed, we are sorry for never giving a shit about anything the Portman Group has to say, and treating all of its statements with callous indifference and nonchalance.”

“Unfortunately, the Portman Group is a gloomy gaggle of killjoy jobsworths, funded by navel-gazing international drinks giants. Their raison d’être is to provide a diversion for the true evils of this industry, perpetrated by the gigantic faceless brands that pay their wages. Blinkered by this soulless mission, they treat beer drinkers like brain dead zombies and vilify creativity and competition. Therefore, we have never given a second thought to any of the grubby newspeak they disseminate periodically.”

“While the Portman Group lives out its days deliberating whether a joke on a bottle of beer is responsible or irresponsible use of humour, at BrewDog we will just get on with brewing awesome beer and treating our customers like adults. I’m sure that makes Henry Ashworth cry a salty tear into his shatterproof tankard of Directors as he tries to enforce his futile and toothless little marketing code, but we couldn’t give a shit about that, either.”

“We sincerely hope that the sarcasm of this message fits the Portman Group criteria of responsible use of humour”